January 12, 2021

I came across a memory the other day on social media from two years ago when I was mourning the loss of a dear friend. Joyce was this wonderful combination of grandma, friend, fairy godmother and Yoda, with a sharp sense of humor.

We had met decades ago when we worked together. She had moved to another country and we became pen pals. The traditional type, with wonderful hand written letters that would delight my heart as I opened the mail box. And then later on, we switched to become digital pen pals. The excitement would rise in my chest and comfort would settle upon me when I’d see her message in my inbox.

We didn’t have a regular schedule for communicating. In fact, we’d often go weeks or months without a message. But somehow, Joyce always knew when to reach out, either when I was struggling or when I was debating a big decision. And then she would whisk into my life with a dash of humor to make me giggle and bring with her, understanding, love and always something to ponder.

So when Joyce left this world, I sensed her absence profoundly. I grieved for my loss and for the world’s loss after the release of such a warm energy and bright light.

The memory of her death made me ponder…..

What happens to our love 
when we send it off to loved ones who have parted?
Do they receive it wherever they are?
Or does it combine with the communal voice 
of love swirling in the Universe,
thereby nourishing us all?
A lovely thought, either way.
And perhaps, it's a bit of both. 
Love amplifies when given freely from the heart.
So open up and send it adrift.

Published by Allowing The Spaces By Alisha J. Steele

I'm a lover of many things, writing, music, dogs, food, gardening, Yoga, traveling.....I think I fall in love with something new each day. I do enjoy meeting new cities and am particularly smitten with New Orleans. It's culture, music, food and whole energy invigorates me yet also puts me at ease. I have an incredible 17 year old son named Anthony whom I placed with an adoptive family at birth. It is an open adoption and by open.....I mean wide open! I am friends with both parents and am close with my son. He grew up in a town close to me and I could visit him whenever. There's never been awkwardness, just love and acceptance of me into their family. Even when his parents moved to Florida and divorced, my relationship with each of them including Anthony remained strong. It's been the most unexpected journey and one I'm grateful for every day. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in Aug of 2019 and am still wandering up and down that path of discovery. Fortunately, it has had minimal impacts on my physical ability at this point, other than needing to be extra cautious with heat and stress. Manage your stress all the doctors say.....oh sure, no problem, just that little thing?! Seriously this is sage advice, I get it, but speaking as someone who has suffered panic attacks, telling me I must manage my stress so my disease won’t progress, stresses me out!! Anyone else out there hear me??! And that brings me to today. The day I created this blog was five days after the man I love and had spent 4 1/2 years with told me he was no longer in love with me and left. Gulp.....breathe....breathe. And so that was the inspiration for all of this. I had always enjoyed writing but never did it on a regular basis. I would make excuses or say I'm waiting for inspiration. But once the floor beneath me gave out and I was falling into every emotion, everything flowed so quickly. I had to write. I'd wake in the middle of the night and grab my phone to write in the notepad. In the morning, almost every sight or smell would trigger a thought which lead to words and before you know it I was writing. All the time. I had to. It was my only life line. After pouring my heart out on Facebook I soon realized I needed more. I finally decided to take the leap and create my blog.

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